Steam Alarm, Shirts-off Soup
Full disclosure: White Boyfriend doesn't like this soup. There are few things that I make that he straight up dislikes, but my winter melon soup is apparently on a different level of fobby-ness. If he comes near it he just picks out the meatballs, which drives me insane, because that throws off the whole meatball/melon ratio of the soup. My theory on why he doesn't like it is because it's too healthy. To me, this soup warms the soul and is perfect for a cool, fall day. It's also incredibly easy to make, but may not impress any of your white friends.
The first step is to find some winter melon from the Asian grocery store. They rarely sell them as whole melons but in slices. If you cannot find winter melon, daikon radish is a fine substitute. I even prefer it sometimes. Chop up the melon into bite size chunks, removing the seeds.
For the mushrooms I like shitake, but in a jam any old button mushroom will do. If you've got fresh shitake on hand by all means use those, but I keep bags of dried shitake around thirsty for hydration. I've made the mistake before of grabbing a handful without thinking and that shit will expand into giant, slippery monsters like those just-add-water toys.
Fill a big pot or wok 3/4 full of water with some finely chopped ginger. While you're waiting for the water to boil you can work on the meatballs. These are simple to make but need to be seasoned generously. Because they are boiled they need to hold up in flavor in the water. If you've read about my meat pancakes you know my tried-and-true method of tasting raw meat.
When the water boils, throw in the melon, mushrooms, and dried shrimp. Dried shrimp can be found at the Asian grocery store, but beware that when you open a bag, your home will immediately smell like fish. White Boyfriend also gets creeped out by all the tiny eyes, pointedly staring.
At this point, the fire alarm has gone off. Why you ask? Because the fire alarm is apparently also a steam alarm. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEWARE OF DEATH BY STEAM! White Boyfriend is nowhere to be found because he doesn't care when you're making winter melon soup. He's not going to have any and has conveniently scheduled a golf tee time. Instead, you have to stand on a chair and claw at the ceiling with your meatball-covered hands.
By now, the melon is tender in the pot and you can throw in the meatballs. They are cooked through shortly after the water returns to a boil. Remove from heat and immediately add the glass noodles (these come in dried bundles and cook quickly in hot water like instant ramen), along with the sesame oil, green onions, cilantro, and salt to taste.
This entire process has likely taken no more than 25 minutes, even your first try. The super fobby thing to do now is to slurp it down with no shirt on--because you're going to sweat it out. Luckily, White Boyfriend won't be back for hours from golfing. Heck, might as well take off your pants too.
For the straight-up winter melon soup recipe, click here.